Parenting: You are the Solution

So, what is a blog about parenting doing on Toy Whisperer? Isn’t Toy Whisperer all about toys? Wrong. 

It is about advocating for the most effective parenting styles.

Mother is kneeling to speak to her toddler son while father holds the baby. Knowing what to say is at the heart of parenting.

Photo by Jessica Rockowitz on Unsplash

Toy Whisperer provides up-to-date information for parents to help them raise intelligent, caring individuals who understand what is important in life and to be resilient enough to achieve the goals they have.

Most Parents are Searching for Answers

It is easy to see from Facebook comments that parents are searching for information about guiding their children. And there is a lot of information out there.

But which piece of advice is valuable? And how do I access the information when I need it? Who are the experts in the field that parents should trust? “58% of moms and dads say there is so much parenting information available that it’s hard to know who to trust,” according to Zero to Three website.

Carrying Guilt

Not only are parents uncertain of what they are doing, they know that some of their methods are not working. As a consequence, “90% of moms and 85% of dads feel judged. 46% of moms and 45% of dads say they feel judged all the time or nearly all the time,” as reported by the same website Zero to Three.

Providing Direction

Hopefully, if you are a parent who is desperate for information to guide you through the most essential task in the world, you will find something here to lighten your journey.

There is no doubt in anyone’s mind what every parent’s wish is. They want to raise kids who will make them proud. And everyone knows that this task is not as easy as it sounds as kids can be challenging. But the good news is that with some basic guidance, often changes in habits and hard analysis of what is happening that all situations can be turned around. 

Expertise in Parenting

There is a wealth of research to back up the best practices for parenting. No one claims that these best practices are easy, but they are effective.

It also is comforting to know that all child experts have skeleton’s in their closets. They often were not “the perfect” parents. How do you think they came up with the right strategies? They experienced some bumps in the road but overcame the issues. Lucky for us, they are willing to share their insights.

Some Guidelines

Most parenting advice available by informed child development specialists has several similar elements.

1 -Any form of punishment is mostly unsuccessful. It may work short term, but it will not change the situation. Physical punishment in many jurisdictions is not only frowned on, but it can be against the law.

2 -A child’s misbehavior has an underlying cause. Sometimes it can be physical; other times, it can be as a result of anxiety, lack of social skills, or a delay in maturity. Once the underlying cause is determined and addressed, the behavior will improve.

3 -Usually, the systems that any expert is suggesting rely first on a change of behavior of the parents. After all, you can only adapt your behavior, you cannot control another individual, even if the other individual is a small child.

4 -Many parents are unprepared to be successful in their role, as they did not have a stellar role model when they were growing up, so they have no background of successful strategies in their repertoire to fall back on.

Permissiveness is not the answer.

Strictness is not the answer.

Change Takes Time

Each type of system you may decide to use or any combination depends on consistency. We know that it takes over 20 days to change a habit, so it will certainly take you at least that many times to change your child’s behavior. Do not despair when your desired results do not take place immediately. and for toddlers, it may take maturation.

With understanding and consistency, you will persevere and find a more acceptable method of dealing with the conflict in your family. Don’t expect perfection. More challenges are on their way.

But the mere fact that you are searching for answers, is the most significant step in making the change.

There are many different approaches that you can use. The success of your endeavor is based on whether you can own “the approach.”  You need a method to guide you that makes sense and is within your capacity to use. You may also prefer a more diverse answer and use guidelines from several prescribed ways of positive parenting. 

Start with small steps, but think big.

Understand the complete picture.

Father holding his young child on his lap for a discussion. Parenting is all about knowing how to talk to kids.
Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash

Here are some excellent resources to help you.

How to Talk so Little Kids will LISTEN: Joanna Faber’s mother, Adele, wrote the original bible for parents “How to Talk, So Kids Will Listen.” Now, Joanna, her daughter expands her mother’s vision to specialize in little kids from ages 2 to 7. After all, it seems that sometime after kids voice their first “no” to adults that they become aware of their power to outwit their parents. Parents, unite, and take back the day! Learn that special art of how to communicate effectively to little kids. Convincing a 2-year-old may seem like herding cats, but it can be done!

To make it even more parent friendly, the book is organized by common challenges and conflicts. What to do with a defiant toddler at the super market, baby jealousy, cleanliness, aggressiveness and more!

Winning at Parenting – without Beating your Kids: Barbara Coloroso has been advising parents for decades. Her approach is not only steeped in positive methods but she explains her ideas with a great deal of humor. For those who would prefer to listen, the video/CD format is ideal.

The award winning author explains an overall strategy of parenting but also delves into some specific incidences to elaborate on the dynamics of what is happening. You will recognize many of the issues you are dealing with in her stories.

Kids Are Worth It: This is a classic book on dealing with family interactions along with specific examples.

Barbara tackles how to move from a brick wall or jellyfish parent into a parent with backbone. The first step to making a change is to realize your mode of operation and then knowing which habits to change.

Toddler Discipline: for Every Age and Stage: If you have a toddler with whom you are struggling, this is the book for you. Learn how to turn negative situations into positive ones. Be in more tune with what your toddler really wants. We all know how demanding they can be. I bet you have figured out that toddlers do not reason like adults.

They seem to have one way of asking for what they want and that is throwing a tantrum. Learn how to turn a tantrum on its head.

cribsheet: Have you ever wondered what evidence experts base their theories on? What has research behind it and what methods just seem to work? Emily Oster is not a child development specialist. She is an economics professor who has researched the skinny about child development.

While she does not adhere to 1 method of parenting, she does reveal the statistics about many issues you are likely dealing with. In addition she also investigates the parent perspective as well as the kids. Discover the most recent facts about parenting.

123 Magic This method of parenting is for children from 2 to 12. The method provides the parent with a mechanism to warn their children in a non-aggressive way that a consequence is going to happen. At the same time, it also gives the child leeway to process the situation. This is a 3 step method to calm, effective parenting. There is also support material should you need more specific advice on handling certain behavior. The power of this approach is in its simplicity of delivery.

If you are looking for a prescribed method to deal with behaviour in a positive manner you will like this method. You can assert your control of unacceptable behaviour in a predictable manner.

The Explosive Child: Many parents worry about temper tantrums as their child seems to have these outbursts more often than most other children. The entire focus of advice is about this exact situation where children seem to be particularliy headstrong.

Dr. Greene is a clinician who deals with explosive children in his day to day life. He provides a different type of parenting for children who are lacking some crucial skills in flexibility, ways to deal with frustration, and inability to problem solve.

Setting Limits with your STRONG-WILLED CHILD: Some children are just more willing to be compliant. But if you are the parent of a child who is strong willed you need to up your game considerably. This is a “go to” book for advice.

Learn how and what to say to your child when you are in the heat of the moment in conflict. Stick to the guidelines and then be amazed at how powerful this approach can be to heal your relationship with your strong willed child.

Joyful Toddlers & Preschoolers: Faith Collins’s advice is deeply steeped in her experiences with young children. Since she is a young mother herself, she speaks to the reader with authenticity.

Transitioning from meeting a baby’s every need to the challenges of a toddler require some deep thought and a change of tact. Faith helps you understand where your child is coming from and what to do about it. Her practical tips can turn your child’s defiance into a game of silliness.

Understanding Your Toddler: One to Three Years: Ayelet Marinovich writes about the development of toddlers in an easily understandable way, inspiring moms to take a more positive approach to the behavior they encounter along the way.

Learn how to interpret behaviour from the toddler’s point of view and then build upon the experience for your child’s growth. Appeal to your toddler’s imagination to enjoy their compliance.

Excellent Web Based Information

Sometimes you do not have the inclination or the time to read a book. You just want a quick summary of a specific problem. The internet is the solution for you. But what are some excellent websites? Try these.

Zero to Three:

https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/1424-national-parent-survey-overview-and-key-insights

Zero to Three is a website full of up-to-date information about children from zero to three years old. Some of the articles are about specific problems such as Sleep, Temperament, Social Skills, and Positive Parenting Approaches – Apologizing to your Child.

Kid’s Health – Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/nine-steps.html

If only we could all follow these guidelines 100% of the time, but we are fallible human beings.

Healthy Children:

supported by the American Academy of Pediatrics

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/Pages/default.aspx

This website is extensive, with lots of advice for positive parenting. There is even a search function so that you can find information quickly. 

Aha! Parenting:  

https://www.ahaparenting.com

Doctor Laura Markham is trained as a Clinical Psychologist at Columbia University — but she’s also a mom. The advice is up to date yet practical. Much of the practical advice is free, but there are also some resources for which you pay.

raising children network

https://raisingchildren.net.au

The board members of the Children’s Network are also leading child development and parenting experts as well as advocates in both Australia and internationally. This website has extensive information about parenting issues.

Parenting: You Are The Solution!

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